"Love" Veteran

This is our family’s Buzz doll. He is well “loved” –note the missing legs, half an arm, and wings that have been crudely reattached with electric tape.


Sometimes I feel like this Buzz doll. I look into his eyes and am filled with fear that I might not survive the 70 pounds of “love” I am pummeled with all day long.

There are times when Grady, Buzz and I hold each other and make a run for my bedroom. We lock the door behind us and take a little time-out from all of this “love”.

Grady Beck Gardner

Grady Beck Gardner. What?! Yes, we changed our baby’s name. Get over it. It took us two full days after his birth to scratch Joshua on the birth certificate. It didn’t fit. Poor Mark could never call him by the name Joshua. I got pretty good at it, but only if I called him Joshua Beck; every single time. Mark suggested we change his name. After a couple of days of thought I agreed. The poor kid went another four weeks without a first name, and was known throughout the house as Baby Beck. We tried on a few, and finally came to Grady. Stick. Success. Sweet. I am pretty happy and relieved, because I can now actually call him by his name and not cringe as I say it because it feels all wrong.

 

Russell is the most confused by this, and prays, “Please bless baby Joshua, no, I mean . . . baby Grady to never cry every again.” And two days ago he said to us, quite concerned, “Are we going to change my name?”

“Why do you want to?”

“No, I want to be Russell.”
“Ok, we won’t change your name.”

Grady is a treasure and we love our little boy. He started giving us huge grins which makes melt my heart immediately. He can be pretty fussy, so we spend hours daily bouncing him on the exercise ball, to keep him from crying. But, by the third time around we know that this will pass.

Whenever Grady's "eyes are open" Russell insists on being in his view. If Mark or I are next to him, talking to him, Russell scoots right in between so he can have the number one spot.  He is such a sweet big brother. 

Sometimes when Grady is crying and I come in from another room to pick him up I see Russ trying to give him his binky saying, "It's ok baby, I'm here, shh, I'm here." 

He also often squeals and says, "He's so cute!" 

When Grady has a crying fit Russell says a prayer for him to stop crying, and as Russell's prayers are always answered, this is a great help.  Except that prayer I mentioned above that "Grady would cry never again."  We explained that babys have to cry because they can't talk yet and tell us what is wrong.  Now Russell prays, "Please bless baby Joshua, I mean Grady, will walk and talk."

we are home!

Baby Joshua and I got to come home from the hospital tonight.  We are so grateful that he is doing so well.  We feel very blessed and appreciate all the prayers we had for him.

Joshy update

 I am sitting here in a chair at the hospital looking at my beautiful twelve day old Joshua. He is lying on his back, sleeping peacefully in his crib with tubes in his nose, wires on his chest and cords on his feet. In my motherly opinion I think he is the most brave, most charming and most gorgeous little baby in the world. The nurses and doctors keep reaffirming this notion by constantly telling me how cute he is.


Yesterday morning my mom and I looked at his umbilical stump, which was bleeding and infected looking and grimaced. “That doesn’t look normal. Maybe we should call the pediatrician.”

Our pediatrician was out for the weekend, but his partner said to bring him in.

The umbilical area was treated, I was told to keep an eye on it, and home we went.

Around 2:00 Joshy’s breath was labored, and he was coughing and gagging on phlegm.

“That doesn’t sound normal. Maybe we should call the pediatrician.”

“Hi, I brought my baby in this morning, this is my third baby, and I swear I am not an overly paranoid mother, but…”

I was told to bring him in again, and after a ten minute examination the pediatrician told me I needed to head immediately over to the emergency room at Primary Children’s Hospital. Joshy was sick, having trouble breathing and needed immediate care. It could not wait until the evening. He said he would call the hospital right away and tell them I was on my way.

I was brave, but as I passed the receptionist on my way out, and saw the look of horrible pity in her eyes as she said quietly, “Good luck”, I started to cry.

I held this baby inside for nine months, and I loved him. But in the last eleven days I had fallen wholly and irreversibly in love with him. I held him close, adored his amazing little cleft chin, pronounced nose, chubby cheeks, long toes. I had watched my husband and boys adore their, “new baby”. Nothing could happen to this little angel.

I was relieved when after the third call Mark answered and said he would meet me at the hospital. I need him to be my side. He is my partner and my love and my strength.

We were admitted yesterday afternoon. Back in the hospital on the day he was officially “due”.

Joshua has a virus and bronchiolitis. His little body is having a hard time getting enough oxygen because of the mucus in his nose and his enflamed bronchioles. We have been blessed that he has not yet developed any fever, and is still nursing well and staying hydrated. Because of this he has avoided having an i.v, spinal tap and antibiotics. We pray he does not develop a fever and continues to nurse. They have been trying to wean him off of his oxygen, but he has not been able to maintain healthy levels on his own yet.

Because the symptoms of most of these viruses get worse over the first 5-7 days, before getting better, we will most likely be here at least a couple of days. Considering his age and sickness, I think he is doing very well.

I always know I love my little family, but events like this make the love I feel for Mark, Russ Russ, Lukey and Joshua so acute. These boys make my life so rich and meaningful and filled with love. Say a prayer for Joshy. Hopefully we will be home and healthy very soon.

Joshy

I am so in love with this little man.

It's baby time

We were excited and somewhat surprised when my water broke at 2 am Monday morning.  Surprised because this baby was coming somewhere between 8 and 12 days early (we didn't think we could do early babys at our house), but only somewhat surprised because my body had been warning me for days.  We were not entirely ready, but threw some things in a bag, called my sister to come over and stay with the kids -what a saint- and drove to the hospital. 

The labor went smoothly and at 3:23 we met Joshua Beck Gardner.  He was 19 1/2 inches long and 8 lb 15.4oz.  Less than an ounce smaller than Russ Russ was.  I was grateful he decided to come early and I did not have to give birth to a 10 1/2 pound baby!

Russell could not be more in love with his new brother.  He sings to him, tells him, "It's ok baby, I'm here, I'm here"  when the baby cries, and tells us about 100 times per day how cute the new baby is. 

Lukey has been a good little boy and loves his baby brother as well.  He has not yet thrown a heavy toy at Joshua's head or slapped him in the face, which we think is a positive sign.

So far we are adjusting well, but that is probably only because my mom is here being super-mom, and super-grandma, and super-cook, and super-cleaner woman.  She had been planning on coming Friday afternoon, but when we called her at 6 am monday morning, she cancelled her clients for the week, changed her flight and was in Salt Lake by noon.  We are so spoiled and so grateful to her!

Greased Pig Contest

When I was seventeen our church organized a teen event for all of us in the area. A couple hundred of us trekked out of Las Vegas to a nearby ranch for a day and night of fun. The most memorable activity was the greased pig contest.


There was a fenced in area, and greased pink pigs–squealing and running around like crazy. There were a bunch of teenagers dressed in jumpsuits, sprinting and attempting to tackle the swine. The point of the game was to capture the greased pig in your arms. Looking back it seems like such a horrible form of animal cruelty, but the teenage brain is not exactly fully developed, and at the time it was incredible fun.

Fast forward ten years, and my little family has just moved to Utah.  The climate is much more dry than Southern California. The children’s skin is suffering, and breaking out in horrible dry rashes. An addition to our daily routine has been added, and looks like this;

A fenced in arena – Luke’s room with the door shut.

Two pink naked boys --fresh from the tubby, squealing, giggling and running around in circles trying to escape me.

A determined mother, with lotion covering her hands sprinting and tackling the boys to lather them up from head to toe.

Every time we enter the room and close the door to begin the chase I am taken straight back to that greased pig contest.

During the original competition there was this kid named Leo. He made a jump for the pig, threw his arms around the pig’s waist and grabbed tight. That poor kid got pooped on.

Let’s just say one of the other side effects of moving to Utah was a couple weeks of the flu, and yes, during one of our chases this poor mom made a jump, a grab, and got pooped on. I wish I was wearing a jumpsuit.